All this started some time ago, just after Jackie and I found out that she had breast cancer. It was and still is a difficult time for our whole family, but Jackie is strong and fighting hard. The crew that I ride with (the Kurri Mongrel Bastards) wanted to help, but how do you help in these circumstances. All that friends can do is be there, be supportive and try to make things easier. And of course, do the great Aussie thing, have a fundraiser. So that's where we are, a fine crew of riders and a fine crew of friends, off on a five day mountain bike ride.
Day 1. Leave Kurri via the Black Track, Crazers, the Tunnels, Minmi, Wallsend to the Gates Hotel. Then Fernleigh Track to Belmont
Day 2. Leave Swansea to Caves Beach and onto the Coastal Way to Catherine Hill Bay Budgewoi Peninsula
Day 3. Tar for a short while then coastal tracks where available to Terrigal. Traverse via Avoca to Kincumber Mountain
Day 4. It’s hard to avoid the tar today so we will just have to put up with it. Gosford to Speers Point with a few mystery stops. 80 Ks
Day 5. Rhondda Road to Wakefield
When we first started talking about this over a beer there were 6 or 7 that said they might like to ride. Who would have thought that we would end up with 36 starters. And what a crazy mob, there are hardened ride veterans and some that have never been on tour, there are mates I have had from school and people I have never met.
But we are in good hands, Phil Stewart, our ride captain, the Chinaman, Spider, Captain Jellyback, call him what you want, we are under his iron fisted command. And his vice captain, Cameron Dilley, how will this bloke go, if Phil is Capt. Jellyback, Cameron must be VC Custard Back. Farnham has been making noises about a coup on day one but he's usually full of shit. We will see.
Then there are others, Dave Bennett, not sure how he will go, he is always cramping up and getting on the bus so the Smiling Assassin will be tested, he will be OK in the pub, that's his strength, but he's soft on the bike. Spike has the form of a horse coming back from a long spell and in need of a better preparation but his penchant for an early night should see him fresh each morning. And Donny, he is still exorcising the demons from his last tour from Queensland to Kurri, went on like a girl at times they tell me. Don often has problems off the bike but will be found most evenings hunched over a plate of chips and gravy. He wrote the diary for the Queensland tour but now it's my turn.
Billy Metcalfe is dreading the Day 1 challenge from Pottsey, the Swansea Hotel publican, I'll back Pottsey, he looks in much better shape than Bill, a sad sight in lycra. We have a special first aide kit on board just for Polly and we are always within half an hour of a hospital for the little Aussie bleeder. The trio of Zark, Macka and Billy Eastley will be the Captain's biggest challenge, they have form on the drink and have been known to raise an eyebrow or two. The young guns, Josh, Killer and Doyle will be pussy cats as usual, I expect them to spend time on the phone to their Mum's seeking comfort.
A couple of tour veterans, Tony Martin and Moyley will probably go for a ride after we arrive in camp each day, they are still chasing eternal youth. Moyley will spend his time pushing the Captains buttons.
Up the back with the Captain you might find his sidekick the Babbler and Morton, lurking and smirking. I expect to see Chook, Farnham, and Mick Carr, all keeping Spike company back there, sweating beads of last nights beer. Yoe'y has been in solid work so he will be towards the front from on day one, along with blokes like Waldo, Baz, Jack, Strop and Browney who will look good early but the time spent off the bike will see them slip towards the back, into the Powder Room from day two on.
In categories all of their own we have Doola, Deon and Lisa, time will tell how their adventure unfolds. A late entry from Kerry Sattler might save Lisa so it's just Doola and Dion as wild cards as we prepare to leave.
On the sideline we have the ever faithful Maurie driving the bus and keeping supplies up to us, Beware of his cunning schemes, he has a lot of time to think while we are on the bikes. Another late entry, Terry Hennesey will provide some entertainment from the bus, Terry is a regular at three or four drinking holes most days so this tour will suit him well, on the bus next to the esky.
My biggest problem will be survival. Jackie will have packed all my gear for me and sent me on my way, but what happens after that. Maybe she will give me a note, telling me what to do, but what if I lose that. I can always have a good long talk to the crew, they are always willing to listen to the "human vuvuzela".
Day One March 23, 2011 Kurri to Swansea
The gathering at the Station Hotel prior to lift off is like a kindergarten birthday party. There are lots of grins, sideways glances and a bit of nervousness from those who are on a ride tour for the first time. I can see Spike wishing he wasn't here, wishing he had not opened his mouth on the drink, wishing he was at the Golf Club reading the morning paper. And those three idiots , Billy, Macka and Zark, I just hope they struggle on the bike because they will terrorise me if they stay fresh. The old fart Tony farnham is late again, maybe his ride days ore over, maybe he should try bowls.
But after packing the bus and saying goodbye to everyone, Maurie and Terry get the bus going (Tez having a stubbie) and the riders go bush, led by Don. We snake out through local trails, past the brick wall. Baz points out his teenage graffiti, still there after all these years. Spike goes over the bars, followed by Morton, a great start.
By Zark's Corner, Billy is on the bus, the weak dog. Its new country for many from here, the old railway line, the first tunnel (too wet) and the steep climb to get Moyley whinging. The rocky, rutted downhill saw a few come unstuck. Spike, Morton, Nuge and Horse all bled. After a chat with the Link Road construction crew we went where we were warned not to, into the second tunnel. It was all good and we were soon climbing again, up to the ridge for a great downhill to Minmi. Some took their first beer here ,others a deep breath. Now we are in easy country, a push to the Gates Hotel. Baz gets through with his seat broken off. Cold beer at the Gates and a fantastic roll down the Fernleigh Track to the bus at Belmont, led by "Back On Billy". Beers, music and a chat, wash the bikes and off again, this time to our home for the night, the Swansea Hotel. Some ran a red light to get to the bar, I bet it catches up with them.
All up it was a great day of 62 ks, averaging just 18.5 and a max of 50. New riders rode strongly, day one is over, the ride part that is. Rider of the day, The Archibald Prize (after William Archibald Metcalfe) went to Spike, a big effort, some blood spilled but a completion.
The usual betting syndicate starts up with Polly in charge, his rules are strict, I bet they don't last. Maybe it was the distance, maybe the climbs, but something got to Strop today. The skipper counselled him about anger management and encouraged peace and love as a better way of life. He wears the peace chain on day one.
Ted Anderson came along and shared a beer with us, he's been a great supporter of this event, a real Mongrel. We also lost Stewie Boyton today, had to go back to work, thanks Stew for all your support.
Mick and Deb Potts really looked after us at their pub, better hosts you will not find. Still they had to send a few to bed early, these two certainly were not dehydrated. Some went to bed early, some stayed late strangling schooners, one couldn't make his mind up. The Zombie walked.
I woke up in the night hearing a song, "Boys, boys , boys." Whats going on.
Somehow I let it slip that Jackie and I are renewing our marriage vows in Fiji next week, How did that happen, I can usually keep a secret. Now we are on my buck show.
Day Two March 24, 2011 Swansea Hotel to The lakes Hotel, The Entrance
Wow, what hosts. Mick and Deb have provided lunch yesterday, donated our accomodation costs back to the cause and put on a full breakfast as well. And they donated a raffle prize yesterday, a contribution over $1200 to the Breast Cancer Appeal. They are just great people and it's a great pub, thanks heaps.
Russ Boyd leads us out today, a bit of tar over to Caves Beach then into the scrub for a magnificent coastal cruise. The Coastal Way to Catho is one of the best tracks around and everyone enjoyed it, even the hills. By Catho Billy Met is struggling (physically and mentally) and Baz gives him a rub, not textbook shiatsu but it soothes Billys aching back.
The scenery was equally good over to Frazer park where Dion took a speed bump and nearly launched into orbit. Some had their first taste of a tar climb. Doyle was first up but Tony Martin was king of the mountain, pushing Billy up first then Spike. We emerged around Budgewoi, took drinks with Maurie and Terry and got back into the scrub for a while. Back on the tar, some found their legs. Donny was on the front 'till Horse dusted him into the Entrance, a big effort from a non rider. Only 43 ks but plenty of climbing, Average 17.1, Max 62.
The Archibald prize to Billy Met for a strong completion, well ridden.
Maurie is looking after room allocations. When you get in everything is organised. Put your bike somewhere safe, pick up your bag, get your room. I think I am being set up, I'm with Billy Eastley, Horsehead, he is a real idiot. And worse still I'm on the top bunk. I might just have a quiet one.
Dressed, most take a walk, swim, coffee, lunch. The Pup had a nap. Gradually we all gather back at the pub. Zark, Macka and Yoey have organised a Poker table for Texas Holdem and Ace -Duce, others play 500. There are horse races, dogs, trots, keno and pokies, a punters paradise.
The poker game gets interesting, stakes rise and Donny gets cleaned out. "Go the Guts" cries Baz but Don exits licking his balls. The afternoon went pleasntly, the Wild Oates crew have turned up for wine tasting and it adds to the reaxed atmosphere. The locals embrace us in pink, only Josh Brady out of uniform.The skipper awards Donny the Peace Chain for his poker face, Horse gives him a hug.
Polly organised the barmaid to sit on Strop's back while he did pushups for charity. Bottles run by the Smilind Assassin is a dangerous game, Doyle fails miserably. Things got louder, the party had started, my buck show. But I hadn't considered their plans for me as the pace quickened and the room began to spin, I was out of my depth but held on 'till the death. What happened after that is not clear but I woke up with my hair done and having a full breakfast in bed. They call Billy Eastley "the Silencer" now, he shut me up.
This pub has also been very generous to the cause donating our accomodation back and running a raffle, thanks again.
Late at night when the Zombie stalks there was movement in the corridors. Boys, boys, boys. In the morning Jack and Kerry Sattler had abandoned the tour.
Day Three March 25, 2011 The Entrance to the Gosford Hotel
Most rise early and stroll to a cafe for coffee. Most are wondering about the great night we shared last night, can this pace be kept up.The pub have put on bacon and egg rolls for breakfast and everybody indulges, except me, I have spilled a little of my breakfast in my bed and need to clean the sheets, I might as well do the floors and the sink while I am at it.
Chook got on board today, good to see him, he looks a bit nervous. The bus is packed, the hard men with wrestling pants get them on and we ride out on a brilliant morning, hugging the coast, in and out to Terrigal. I say nothing. New riders are feeling a bit chirpy today, a short one and surely there can't be any hills around here. Donny and Morton have a surprise for everyone, some more bush single trail that climbs to the top of Kincumber Mountan, torturous up hill after a late one last night. It's mostly vertical for a good while but soon we take in the view and everyone smiles, knowing it's all down from here. Still I say nothing.We take to the downhill, much better, some good single track and fire trail. There is a little confusion about directions but the Captain puts his foot down "how hard is it Pup" and order is restored.
Then we find a tar stretch and it's a real quick descent, led by Barry who worked dog watch last night. Don forgot to mention a locked gate at the bottom and Baz had to lock his macine up quickly, put it into a slide and then abandon and cartwheel the last few meters landing on his back. It was a very close call and it set Baz's heart racing.
So we crept around to Greenpoint, laughing and chating about crap. I have nothing to say. We meet the bus and celebrate with a few beers before the last leg to the Gosford Hotel. Plans are underway for another big night on my buck show, why did I say anything, this is killing me.
We arive at the Gosford Hotel where Maurie has everthing organised. We shower and meet in the bar, maybe I mighthave something to say now, The Silencer is not that good.
Our good mate Terry leaves us today, going home to Kurri's Nostalgia Festival, he's in a dance competition on Saturday.
There are more push ups for chrity at a nearby pub, Strop is like a circus act. Anything to raise money. Dion has been our star selling raffle tickets and tonight Doola, Don, Russ and Moyley assist. The "chain for peace and love" went to Kerry Sattler today, it was accepted by Lisa in his absence. The "Archibald" went to baz for his kamakazi effort on the mountain.
We were spread over two floors in our rooms tonight but still most sensed the apparition of the Zombie, weird stuff.
Day Four March 26, 2011 Gosford Hotel to Pippi's at Speers Point
We are on the bikes early today to chew up a bit of tar and get in early for the races. Baz needs a day off the settle his nerves. Billy also has a day away.
We are on the bikes early today to chew up a bit of tar and get in early for the races. Baz needs a day off the settle his nerves. Billy also has a day away.
I am feeling better today, I might have a bit to say. Those dickheads Horse, Hedgehog and Zark are getting to me. Strop, Baz and Don are just as bad, they never let up. I'm going to tear their legs off on the bike then drink them under the table tonight, I've had them all my life, I'll smash them.
So we are on the pedals for a quick 23 k's to Maccas for a coffee and breakfast, a great start. Back on, Don leads us well, over to Wyong. Chook goes guts up on the concrete, a spectacular crash, leaving his bike well behind him. Typically he is up in one movement ready to play the ball, he's tough.There was a lumpy section over to Wyee, this had some whinging, good, I hope they hurt.
By Wyee the tempo had picked up, everyone knew where they were half way through our 80 ks. So some sprinting started, most having a go but Tony Martin tore everyone apart. By Myuna we were strung out for miles but all smilling.
Then over a few bumps to Wangi, Toronto, Fennel Bay and a gather up at Speers Point. Spike, Lisa and all the new riders led is into the pub, recognition of their effort and achievement. Billy had also ridden strongly today, all that rest must have done him good.
We are a routine now, have a drink, get your room, put your bike away, drop your washing off, go to the bar, pretty simple.
This was always destined to be a relaxing afternoon, Our last night, a short one tomorrow and the last day of my buck show. So we all settle in, Polly delivers his strictures about the syndicate and the fun begins. The lounge chairs near the door fill up like Dr Kwa's surgery, Billy first consultation (could take a while), then Farnham for a psychiatric evaluation, Chook to get his "monkey bum" examined, Polly for a range of issues and Doola for a sleep walking cure.
Polly was awarded the "peace and love chain" for the day but threw it onto the street in disgust, "I'm not an angry man, you just don't listen"
By six o'clock the syndicate was still alive, truely remarkable. Polly said "its over" but Horse snatched the wad from his hand and said 'we punt on" By midnight the boys had backed 12 winners straight, returned the original investment to all punters and donated $700 to the cause. Give the young blokes their head and get to bed you old farts. There was a lot of love in the air, man dancing, back slapping and general chaos until the bar shut.
Donny and Doola shared a room and enjoyed a peaceful night together, this could be a long term arrangement. Nobody saw a Zombie.
Day Five March 27, 2011 Pippi's to The Station
March was a big month if you were a Mongrel, this five day ride and today is also our monthly ride, joined together for a romp over the loaf from Pippi's to the Station.
Today we have 30 of the five day riders joined by 8 more Mongrels for a short but tortuous trek from Speers Point, over Rhondda Road to Wakefield
Mini Mongrel, Campbell Anelzark was along again joined by new riders, Darren Macbeth, John and Mary Ann and their friends, Gary Frame and Marty Henry, Jerone and one of Jackie’s treating doctors from the Mater , welcome everyone.At the start, many of the five day toilers who were enjoying a cooked breakfast at Pippi’s were thinking it couldn’t get any worse than some of the tracks we had been on earlier in the week. How wrong you can be. The Smiling Assassin knew, Morton knew and The Skipper knew but nobody let on, just a pinch and we would be home, yeah sure.
Everyone was smiling along with Billy as we meandered along the cycleway. Last nights man dancing, the big betting plunge and my buck show were all being relived, the talk was loud and proud. Then we hit a bit of climb and the talk stopped, replaced by rasping gasps from the Wedding Party, they were last to bed last night and suffering today.
But that small climb was soon over, only Billy muttering about not trusting Morton ever again. Then we stopped at Archery road, Billy dogged it in the bus and the rest of us went up for an hour or so.
It really is a big pinch but well worth the effort. Moyley was shaking his head, he doesn’t like carrying his bike. Darren Macbeth was leaving a trail of sweat behind him that would end an outback drought. The Powder Room at the back had more riders in it than ever before. At the top Chook, Spike and Yoey were also sweating buckets, but they were up there. Tony Martin wondered if the air was so thin because of the altitude or had Chook sucked up all the oxygen. He also quipped that Spike looked like he was trudging to a hanging on the way up the climb.
But after reaching the summit and looking west we recovered and went out in small groups to carefully negotiate the western side of the range, a quick, dangerous downhill that most got through without spilling blood. If you haven’t experience fear for a while just go up and ride this one, its all white knuckles. Only a few including Jerone, the Pup and Don took it at pace.
At the bottom everyone was relieved, took some refreshments and headed off to my place at Mulbring for a beer on his lawn. Then, on to Kurri to complete the day and end the five day ride. It was great to lead this group of friends "back to the Fort” followed by my Wedding Party, including pageboy Baz and flower girl, Strop. The welcome home was remarkable, the footpath packed with friends and family.
All that was left was to relax, have lunch and a few beers and enjoy a fundraising afternoon. Everything went superbly for the rest of the day, the Star Realty Ride for Breast Cancer raised over $21,500 with more to come, take a bow everyone, it was a magnificent effort.
A big thankyou to all sponsors and supporters, it really made mine and Jackie's a day to see everyone there having a go and contributing the fight against breast cancer.There is a brand new Merida bike is hanging on the wall at the Station (Big thankyou to Ted’s Bike Shop) It and a set of Chad Reed’s new racing team gear will continue to be raffled over coming months, drawn June 26th. If you want to buy tickets they are available over the bar at the Station. If you want to sell some tickets, books are available from Jackie on 0418164258, Martin on 0425286779 or Don on 0425779844.
